My Project

  During the pandemic, my mother was forced to quit the job she loved and take care of me and my three-year-old brother. I had never been fond of my mother, for she was strict and quick-to-anger when I was growing up. Nevertheless, despite my lack of intention to care, I could sense her sorrow: She started to have trouble getting up in the morning, she lacked vitality in her movements, and her eyes became dim and passionless. 

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  Observing this, I was somehow propelled to talk with her one-on-one about suicide and Camus’s existentialism with her. I remembered explicitly telling my mother that Camus believes it was OK if she wanted to commit suicide if existence was too much for her. All Camus asked was that she contemplates her decision thoroughly before doing so. I then went on describing Camus’s view of a “good” life in The Myth of Sisyphus: how he believed life to be meaningless and, therefore, absurd; yet, those who are conscious revolted against the absurdity by continuing to live to the fullest of experience. 

 

  After shedding tears in silence for over half an hour, my mother plainly asked, “Why do you think I would commit suicide?” A long pause of silence ensued. She then continued, “When you were small (the time when I truly resented my mom), I had multiple instances when I wanted to commit suicide. I never did it because I did not want to leave you alone. I would simply walk along the river and cry at night, while you were at home studying.” I was startled by what I heard, for I never knew she had those thoughts, for I never noticed she wasn’t home for so long, and for I never tried to make her happier. This conversation left both of us in tears with a kind of bond we have never had before.

 

  Suicidal thoughts, depression, desperation… These things can feel so far away from us, yet they can be anywhere, indiscernible. The pandemic has certainly created and exacerbated innumerable challenges, including psychological and emotional ones. From my own experience and the conversation with my mother, I found philosophy a powerful instrument to combat pandemic-related challenges. 

 

  For the Re-Equip project, I will first identify pandemic-related challenges faced by people in my communities through surveys. Then, I will read rigorously about philosophies that may help to combat the challenges. Lastly, I will break down my findings into a smorgasbord of digestible wisdom to target each challenge. I hope people can, like my mom and I, be enlightened, discover meanings in life and actions, garner support, and find peace in philosophy through this project.